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Wednesday, March 5, 2014

How It All Came Out Today

I can't really speak for everyone, but at OUR house the decades are fairly spinning--like a giant Groucho Marx You Bet Your Life spinner with a sneer on its face.  Why, it seems only yesterday ("Can I?  Huh?  Huh?  Can I?  Not 'til I'm 50?? Awww heck.") that I was toddling off to my very first colonoscopy.  Omaha it was.  2004.  And now a decade later...

I'm not going too far into details, just can't resist the highlights.  Paco left the house early early today to get a crown on a tooth he broke.  One car is in the shop, so I said all gallant like, "Ill just walk."  We live about 3 miles from the hospital, but the day was above freezing--bikini weather for Brrrrrr Lake.  Now, I'm just vain enough that I took some extra time today getting ready.  Don't want anyone examining my ROOTS along with my colon!  Neither do I want to become legendary for fuzzy legs.  Needless to say my pastoral walk into town turned into alternate speed walking/jogging as I raced the clock.  It seemed too early to solicit friend help, and besides my phone was dead.  With a mile left and my appointment time behind me, I hailed down a car.  She waved merrily and passed me by.  Then I got aggressive and stepped out in front of the next truck, flailing both arms this time.  And THAT is how I ended up being delivered to my colonoscopy by a Peruvian sheep rancher.  Honestly.

P.S.  Who knew my procedure included lunch in the cafeteria for me AND my newly-crowned designated driver!  AND I got an A FREAKING PLUS on my colon!!!!!!!!  Whoooo--eeeee!


Tracy Giles said...

Hahahahaha! That's such a great story!

Shelly said...

What? No comments on this? That was the best story!

Patti said...

I am most impressed with your decision to walk to your colonoscopy. I was afraid I wasn't going to make it from the car into the doctor's office without needing a bathroom. Kudos to your intestinal fortitude, the bonus lunch, and the A+ on your colon!

Favorite books

  • Me 'n Steve
  • Thundering Sneakers
  • James Herriott's vet books
  • The Count of Monte Cristo
  • Travels with Charley
  • A Walk in the Woods
  • Peace Like a River
  • The Egg and I
  • Mary Poppins
  • Extremly Loud Incredibly Close
  • How Green Was my Valley